Senior Citizen of the Week: Naveh

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Father. Brother. Baller. Scholar. This sums up Barack Naveh. From his majestic Keens to his receding hairline. Fresh out of Indiana University of Pennsylvania, class of 1869. Known for making his students cry with his atrocious, horrendous, putrid, unbelievably wretched jokes . Barack teaches History and “How to be a real man: 101”. Some of his students include Pete Vitti, Doug Miller, Jason Dean, and Joseph Ehman. However, these students are outshone, by his favorite, the one and only, The Hurricane, Vicente, Lopez!

 

Back in his heyday at IUP, he was the star running back on the football team, racking up a whopping 420 yards per game with a total of 69 touchdowns on the season. However, even with these outrageously phenomenal stats, he was never recognized because of his brother, THE Barack Obama. He has regained status as the better brother after Obama’s term ended and his recent scheduling of Free Day Fridays.

 

Many people do not know this, but approximately one month ago, an animal died on his face. Now, this creature was there for roughly four days time, so four days too long. In this time he was promptly roasted by everyone, from his own kids to his father. But, Vicente Lopez was there to pick him up when he was feeling down. “You’re lookin pretty cute today Naveh” he said, instantly putting a smile on Naveh’s face.

 

“Is that coconut and lime I smell?” Why yes it is. That is what everyone thinks when they walk past his room. He recently came into a set of coconut and lime scented care products including, shampoo, body wash, lotion, and body butter. Courtesy of The Hurricane. In his free time, he enjoys cookin up a good challah bread. If he feelin feisty he’ll even throw in some sugar and raisins to spice it up a lil.

 

PS: Barack Naveh like Teddy Bear, has a calcium deficiency. He makes the fatal mistake of drinking watered down ice cream leftovers instead of actual milk.

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