This past Friday, an image began circulating the Obama group chats, delighting one disbelieving beholder after the next. Its origin was the Instagram page of Jason Momoa (the much-adored actor best known for his role as Aquaman in the eponymous 2018 film), which boasts 14.5 million followers.
In the photograph, which by now has no doubt been viewed by practically every Obama student, Momoa is seen standing, arms crossed, face smug, majestic beard in full view. Behind him stands a rock climbing wall. To his right are two other men, similarly posed, the stockier of whom is clad in a green shirt, black shorts, and silver loafers, while the other dons a tight-fitting beanie and forgoes shoes. These individuals, while interesting, were not the primary object of the Obama students’ attention. It was a fourth figure, to the left of the superstar, who claimed that distinction. That fourth person, dressed, as he always is, in a snug button-down and chinos, was none other than Mr. Collinger, chemistry teacher and, apparently, rock climber extraordinaire.
Text atop of the picture read as follows:
BIG BOY CLIMBING CLUB
HEAVY WEIGHT CHAMPIONS DIVISION
NOTHING OVER V6
BECAUSE WE CANT
Along with the respective weights of our four heroes, each of which either approaches or surpasses 200 pounds.
Momoa captioned the post, which has, at the time of publication, garnered nearly 200,000 likes, “love climbing. had the greatest time @walltopia US headquarters. In the iron city with the big boys climbing kinda hard. WE BIG,” followed by a litany of hashtags.
They big indeed. I managed to catch up with the man of the hour, Justin Collinger, among the many celebrity engagements which now occupy him for an exclusive Obama Eagle interview. Enjoy.
Sam Bisno: Tell us what’s going on in the picture.
Mr. Collinger, the Coolest Teacher in the School: There’s not a lot of heavy people that climb, so he was surprised that there were so many big people climbing and wanted to take a picture with all the big people.
SB: How did that come to be?
MCCTS: My friend is friends with Chris Sharma, one of the best rock climbers in the world, who climbs with Jason Momoa, so we invited Jason Momoa to climb at our private rock wall.
SB: How did you meet Jason Momoa, then?
MCCTS: My friend and I met him two weeks ago because Chris Sharma told us he’d be at a bar.
SB: What was he like?
MCCTS: He was chill, just like one of the bro’s. Me and Momo’. I call him Momo’.
SB: Oh, do you?
SB: Who’s the better climber?
MCCTS: I am, but not by much. That’s because I climb more than him.
SB: What’s it like to be famous?
MCCTS: It’s a different feeling. I’m planning on monetizing my influencer role now. I’m looking for sponsors.
There you have it, folks. Get your autographs while you still can. I guess that pull-up bar he keeps in his doorway paid off.