The Obama LEEK: Jeff Sessions lied: Interactions with Russians only to plan Trump’s Birthday Party

Elena Hochheiser, Editor

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By this time, almost everyone has heard about Jeff Session’s “confidential” talks with the Russians that occurred twice before the Donald’s election. But now, even after excusing himself from congressional investigations on the role of the Russians in the presidential elections, he refuses to admit to Congress the real reason why he met with them this past July and October. However, after scouring through multitudes of the Donald’s tweets, as well as bugging the interior of the Oval Office, it has become apparent why Sessions spoke to the Russians so secretly.

Last year, on June 14, Donald Trump turned 70 years old, and –like the baby he truly is– complained that the party Melania, Ivanka, and the rest of his children planned for him was underwhelming. In a tweet the next day, he claimed that “they must’ve switched my Trump Steaks out for some lower quality meat.The food they had at my party was #unacceptable!”. He also called for his friends to start planning a birthday party for him next year, and apparently, the Russians answered the call. According to top-secret government plans that Sessions accidentally left on a restaurant table, the Russian head of foreign affairs contacted him a week after the Donald’s birthday, asking if he would like to be a part of the planning committee, which coincidentally includes Steve Bannon, Mike Flynn, Rex Tillerson, and Betsy “take their money” Devos. Sessions claimed to be “honored” by the invitation, and offered to meet with the committee the next week, while congress was in recess. After interviewing one of his terrified former congressional aides, we found that he had even offered that he could meet with the Russian Ambassador to the US after the meeting and “catch up while sharing government secrets”. Sounds like a cup of tea, doesn’t it?  

The next meeting, in October, was put together on short notice to account for the fact that the Nordstrom outlet they rented for the party might not be available. Sessions was reportedly shocked to see Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin attending the last-moment meeting. Even more of a shocker was Putin’s offer to let them throw the party inside of the White House, “I can even get you free admission– you only have to work for us for the next four years!”. Clearly, Sessions and Flynn took him up on his offer.

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