Onion Writers Come to Pittsburgh, Spread Alternative Facts

Onion+Writers+Come+to+Pittsburgh%2C+Spread+Alternative+Facts

Elena Hochheiser, Editor

This past Friday, writers of The Onion came to Pittsburgh, set up camp at the Byham theatre, and proceeded to fool an audience that arrived to hear them prepared to learn about the elusive act of writing satire, but were instead ashamed with the thousands of alternative facts the writers spoke about throughout the entirety of their presentation.

The two writers opened their presentation talking about what a beautiful city Pittsburgh is. But they were clearly lying– I don’t know if they have been actually been in the city for years, because the other day there were at least three pieces of trash on the sidewalk outside! Of all the lies that they could tell, it was by far one of the worse. They were clearly trying to promote the Trump Administration and spread false information that climate change is not real.

From there, the writers continued to spread alternative facts that were not only false, but entirely misleading and potentially dangerous to the audience. They displayed a headline that claimed Hillary Clinton won the presidential election, leading many in the audience to have false hope that the past 4 ½ months have been an alternate reality and that we are not, indeed, headed towards the apocalypse. I could’ve sworn that I heard at least three people crying. From there, the writers continued to spout ridiculous, clearly false statements. They claimed that The Onion had been founded in 1763, that Donald Trump has a 35% approval rating, and that the theatre was sold out (there were only four persons there).

Later investigations by the staff of the Obama Leek showed that all claims the onion writers made were false, and we advise all persons that attended to be careful and guard themselves against alternative facts spread by The Onion.

 

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